I Went To Heaven! by pizzapuke
An incredible journey
by Nathaniel Duckett
About a week ago, I visited my Doc for the usual checkup; scrape around the ears, nose test, et cetera. At one point he asked me to take off my shirt and lie down. I carefully did so as he slipped the Checkup Mask over my head. The oxygen flowed from the tank and out of the mask, and I inhaled deeply as I began to drift off, into a deep slumber.
What came next could only be described as a physically trancendent experience. My spirit being arose from the bed, looking at my body below. I was endlessly floating upwards, through the roof of the office, then through the light cirrus clouds that dotted the summer sky.
When the oxygen got thin at the higher elevations, I begun to panic, but a voice inside my head said, “Don’t fret. Spirits need not air to live, but simply faith in our Creator.” Boy, was this awkward. “I hate ‘ta break it to ya, Omnipotent Voice, but I‘m a Libertarian, I don’t believe in floating around.”
But the voice was not having any of it. I continued to ascend, breaking the exosphere surrounding the Earth and gradually I made my way into Outer Space. Off in the distance, I could make out two shining figures beckoning me to follow. “Please, party with us”, they cooed.
I gulped and rubbed my eyes in disbelief. These were two of the finest Rap Video honeys to have ever graced music TV. They rubbed their big bootey buts together and slapped them vigorously, forming an electromagnetic portal. “Come with us if you want to party for Eternity!!”, both of them hollered as they disappeared into the wormhole.
Inching ever-so-closer to the portal, I outstretched my hand, straining to make out the mysterious beings I saw in the distance. I couldn’t believe it; They were the dopest MC’s of the Galaxy. Biggie, Eminems, MC Glaxx. And they were all making out, kissing and smooching, writing dope rhymes about snogging.
Now that I have seen it I know for certain; Heaven is where the big Rappers go to be gay. They finally found their paradise, above Earth, through a space portal.
